its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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