I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Michael Bay diarrhea
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
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