Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn