five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
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forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.