so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?