I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.