I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
