If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
DO NOT LOSE IT