he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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