I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
