Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
