Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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