The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
