yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
