Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
