I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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