Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
