just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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