dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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