You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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