ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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