Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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