Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
