I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
