apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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