The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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