your thong is hanging out like whoa
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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