Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
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if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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