I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
