It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
