aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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