This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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