I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
