Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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