I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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