I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
