I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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