I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
