I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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