I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
