Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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