Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
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Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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