I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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