this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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