i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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