Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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