chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
