I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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