i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
