You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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