My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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