I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
