i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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