omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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