I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
