Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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