just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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