sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
