he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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