tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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