I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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