Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
honey bunches of taint.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
