okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
