I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
